Reading Albert Camus's existentialist novel The Stranger (1942) in the summer of 2019 affected me profoundly. From his nihilistic view, anything from social convention; to the engagement in life; to law; and other means of maintaining order, in its essence, is meaningless to the protagonist Meursault.  The same goes for me. I started to question what my reality was and what I was doing in this world. Following on from my childhood exploration through family photographs, I channeled my uneasiness into art. Creating a new painting titled Specimen, a chimera, amalgamating a butterfly with a child imprisoned by humans. The image came to me in a dream. I was looking at Marlene Dumas's paintings at the time. I felt that I had lost my way in these paintings and forgot my intentions, painting became automatic. The more I painted, the more I felt detached from reality.